|
Tuesday, July 5, 2016
A fervent hope.
 Ok I kept forgetting my blog but I still remember urs an. Lol. 2016. The last post which you update was in 2011. 5yrs ago. Woah. At the back of my mind, all these felt like yesterday. I just pray that you and you son, Andi are doing very well.. Aliysha will always be missed. I wonder if you still exists. Lol. I mean I wonder if you stil check out ur blog.still active in this cyberworld. which i hardly doubt. Knowing you would always change ur emails etc etc. But I strongly hoping that one day ur mind would just *poof* brings you back to your blog. I hope it would be that easy for me to just let it go. I should have went to see aliysha. The only thing that stopped me because I wasn't convinced. Funny how i feel that sometimes i felt that you were him and that he doesn't exists. But yet, i have seen him. Confusing isn't it. Now you tell me. Haha. The way you text at times does remind me of him. Ohh no.. Im confused. Lol. The other thing was because I couldn't see myself standing between you and your ex wife. It's weird that i know her and she know my past. Funny how it used to be him, you and i. Suddenly she's part of the picture. I feel that she's manipulating the situation. Or should i say that i feel that I'm being manipulated. How envied I used to get knowing that she knows how i felt and yet she gets to spend the time with you and him. Spending the time as in, hanging out, talking face to face with you guys. I wish I would have run down to see you guys,. Wait I did. I waited for him for 6hrs and he didn't show up. I waited for the half evening and he told me to go home, instead I went out with another guy because I was way too pissed. I went down to the hospital and there wasn't anyone to reply my texts or calls. I went down to see you and Andi and how suddenly you went missing. I just wish you guys didn't took me for granted. I wish you guys could just ease my burden by having some decency to commit to meet me. i wish I was at her place. Yet, i keep telling myself that I want the truth. Nothing more than the whole heart throbbing truth. Sound kind of drama isn't. Trust me to know the truth is torturing. Just kill me instead. It would have been a lot easier. Hence why I decided to put it to a stop, bullshitting. Its too much. Not that I don't love you. But I needed to see you. I needed that answers which I been yearning for. Till today, I just want to say that Im sorry and if Allah swt permits I would really love to sit down with you an and talk. Otherwise I would want to meet the 3 of you in the akhirat. Till we meet again. Take care now.
++ quoth Unknown at 10:20 AM Friday, November 20, 2015
Surreal
Dear Diary, Read through all the posts. Was so happy when I got to found this blog. Read through arwah's blog... And an.. So many many time.. .. Time fly. Now all is gone. Still trying to digest the thoughts.. Everyone that I knew seems to be making the exit.. There are so many ugly and beautiful things happening around me yet its not what Im searching.. Pretty much "numb" and empty. I avoided myself from listening to music.. It just feel hurtful. Every music remind me of the past. "HE founded me lost and guided me." I find this very encouraging. I still see him in my dream. Smiling at me. Standing next to me. Always. Insane isn't it? But it all feel very real. And then im back to this reality. Sigh. I redha,sabar.. knowing that you are in a better place. How better can it get to be next to Allah? Subaha'Allah! Hope to see you there. :)
++ quoth Unknown at 4:58 PM Saturday, October 3, 2015
4 years since I login to this blog. 6 long years since he left. I still couldn't get over him. Honestly, I didn't see that I will be back, writing this entry. Reading back to all the posts, i still feel the wound. It still feel fresh. It felt like yesterday. Nonetheless, I must keep my heads up. Al-fateha Syed Muhd Saiful, Al-fateha Aleesyah Sabrina Bte Mohd Alfiean.. I miss you both. Till here. Salam...
++ quoth Unknown at 11:56 AM Thursday, February 24, 2011
lomo_k100_22
++ quoth Unknown at 6:31 PM Monday, January 10, 2011
2011
Now itx 2011. .gosh time realy passed. .n here i am updating. .trying to see if it work updating through my mobile. . Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5
++ quoth Unknown at 8:35 PM Monday, November 22, 2010
Sigh
Dear Diary, I dont get. Farked it. I seriously dun understand y within each minute, he will just change. N giveup everything. ANd @ e every PEAK of argument, DAT FARKING SON oF THE BItch will owaes interfere!!! arghhhh!!! THIS IS SOOO NOT HELPING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DAMN IT! I JUST LOVE YOU OK! IF YOU KEEP LOSING HOPE. OMG! ARGHHHH!!!!
++ quoth Unknown at 2:35 AM Sunday, August 15, 2010
Moving on
 Dear Diary, It sure has been awhile.. Well for e past mia was because i was bz w life.. 2 many things happen and trust me,it all happened so fast. That sometime i cant follow the pace. But hey, this is life right? Is either u get up and start walking again or simply be stagnant. . Hmm.. Well.. I don't know where to begin.. So let me just sum everything up in random k? Firstly, well now that i can loosen a bit.. Im able to move on. .well not completely. But i know i have progress. I do miss him. And i know saiful will always be watching over me and i will always love him. I will always do. Probably, this is one of the reason why im still single. Well,frankly. Im not searching and im not interested. . I can see that, there's a lot of thing i can do,explore,learn. Most importantly all these surely taught me to be strong and independent. Thank-you saiful. Thank-you for every single thing. .If im moving on and being happy,it doesnt mean i forget you right saiful? Believe me when i say its hard to say goodbye. . You will always be here. I know. I feel it. =)) Im open-up to every opportunity that is coming my way. I can see the bigger picture. I want to see this wide world. . Believe me or not. I don't know what,how or why.. But i feel sooo in ♥.. its w nobody.. but i just have this feeling.. U know like you're in ♥ but i know im not. .i dont know how to describe it. But this is how i see things around me.With this feeling. And its really nice. It make me a better person. :)) Secondly, hm.. My used to be crush. . I heard he's attached now. All the best to your relationship. May you guyz last till eternity.. =)) oh yeahh.. After which, i had another one. Sunny; really 1 sweet good looking guy! But thing doesn't seem to work out between us. I mean his seeing someone else and honestly.I don't mind cause in life, we ought to choose and decide. he found a better lady than me. So yeah. I can accept the fact. I believe,sometimes there is reasons why that particular person/soul remain in our past. like a crossroad. When the time is up,they will leave but we will surely know how it felt and realised what they left behind have something that we can learn from it. .life is too short to be hated. . See what i mean. I really learn a lot from him. . Even though,he's not around. He gave me the strength to move on. I have faith in myself and allah.. Syukor alhamdulilah.. Insyallah. . One thing for sure,im not going to give up no matter what. Yes i will fall. But i'll make sure i get up stronger! I have the courage and confident in myself that i can succeed in life. And you know something? This is MY LIFE! SO IM SOOO GONA MAKE THE BEST OUT OF IT!! I love you saiful. I always do. itzHuNy♥.. Behind my smile is a hurting heart.Behind my laugh,Im falling apart.Look closely at me and you will see,the person I am.. isnt me.
++ quoth Unknown at 2:07 AM |
